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Wednesday, 6 July 2016

Have you changed your mind?



Really. I meant what I said before.

But this is still something so I thought you might have reconsidered..

I haven't I'm afraid. It's different now.

In what way?

I get stuck on my words. I think too much.

Does it matter? This is yours after all..

It matters to me. 

Shame. I liked what you wrote. It was real. It was brave. You wrote what we all thought.

It wasn't intentional. But thank you. I just wrote. And now I can't. I'm stuck.

Sunday, 3 July 2016

Is this real?

I keep being asked..

Have you really, truly stopped? 


Could you maybe start again?

I could. 

Do you want to?


How come? Because, let's face it, you've said this before..

Because every word I write is being looked at with the wrong agenda. 

Do you regret writing any of it?

No, I don't think so.

Do you have anything to add to anyone who might have been written about over the last 7 years?

Hmm, only that if you've been a part of my life then I only ever wrote about you because I cared about you. Good and bad. You will have meant something, somehow.

Is that true?

Right now it is true.

Do you always write the truth?

Yes, it is true at the time of writing it.

What does that mean?

It means that I wrote the truth.

Can I ask you something?

Anything, go for it.

If there is one thing you could change, what would it be?

I would have trusted my gut instinct from the start. It is never wrong.

In what way?

It's hard to explain but my gut knows the answer before I know the question.

Where will you be in 7 years time?

Right here I hope. 

I meant where in the world?

I know what you meant. 

Thank you Rose. I appreciate your honesty.

You're welcome. 

Shall I close the door?

Nope, leave it open.

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

Hi. Let me introduce myself. My name is Rose. Have I been an utter idiot? I don't think so, not for one second. I started this blog on 5th June 2009 as an anonymous writer because, back then, I was too shit scared to tell the truth. I was ashamed and I was frightened of everyone. It has taken an intruder to steal into my private life spying on my thoughts for me to realise that not only am I no longer scared but I feel completely happy with who I am and what I have in my life. No bullshit. I am 100% happy and 100% proud.

So 7 years later, I have decided that there is very little left to say. Not when people are eavesdropping. I'm flattered by those of you who have asked me not to stop (even start again with a new address) and I am properly sad that discovering that eyes reading my blog for errors in my life with an attempt to hurt me, is why it has come to an end. But the timing is right. I have something else to concentrate on now. I have also discovered that this is the main reason that bloggers stop blogging. I am not unusual apparently. It is known as cyber stalking and fascinatingly, it is illegal.

Note to self: NEVER be ashamed of admitting you have loved someone regardless of the end result. NEVER be ashamed of admitting that life as a mother of 2 little girls isn't always easy. NEVER feel ashamed of standing proud at school plays, concerts, sports events alone because you are the one who finds the time. NEVER feel ashamed of writing about mental health issues when so many find the topic so hard to admit. NEVER regret travelling especially when you are holding hands with two girls who love you. NEVER feel sad that you are a single parent. NEVER doubt your gut instinct. NEVER be ashamed of telling the truth. EVER.

All that is left for me to say is Thank you. No drama, no chaos, no trouble and no anger. It is with relief that I can now realise that my life is my own and the love that I share with my girls is ours.

Note to the intruder- How dare you feel it was okay to read my blog in hope of discovering an error in my life, to jot it down, throw it back in my face and suggest legal representation.  

I am not angry that you spied on my thoughts. Every blogger is aware that anyone is entitled to read it. But to read it with the hope and intention of finding a flaw worthy of legal action?  I am disgusted that you thought it was okay to do that with your excuse of why you were reading. What rubbish. You were simply being bloody nosey and it was the easiest way to keep track on my life. If you "care" then show it. Don't sneak about guessing and God Forbid, presuming. You know absolutely nothing until you ask me. I am smiling wondering what you'll do instead? 

No more Sit with Rose, stand with me and hold my hand. Life is a wonderful thing. It is extraordinary how it all seems to work out even on the days when we think it is all going terribly wrong. It isn't that it's going wrong, it is exactly that way until we make it feel right for ourselves.

Ironically, the day I shut this down was exactly the same date in June as the day I started it. My girls were sitting at the kitchen table eating chocolate biscuits and I realised that life was better than okay. I really am the luckiest woman on earth. I cannot imagine my life being any other way than it is and through truth, pain, hard work and courage, I have learnt to accept the things I cannot change. Even better, I don't need or want to change them. It really is that simple. Amen.

Friday, 5 June 2009

Hi. Let me introduce myself. My name is Blodwen. I have been an utter idiot but I will tell you about that later. Right now, my girls are eating chocolate biscuits at the kitchen table and I am happy. Just for today I will try and stay happy because I deserve to be.